This morning I woke up and I noticed I was dead. I mean, I've had some tough mornings before, but this was fucking ridiculous. Even before I opened my eyes I noticed I wasn't breathing, but that didn't bother me that much, what was really getting on my nerves were those flies coming in and out of my ears. Through the buzzing I could hear a commotion outside my door, something about a foul stench. My mother was already blaming my grandmother for clogging up the toilet again and my father kept yelling at her that the toilet was just fine, and that the smell was coming from somewhere else.
She started banging at my door and yelling at me: 'Misha, get up, you need to go get the plumber!'
'In a minute Mom, I'll be right out.'
I was sluggish, my energy was really low and it took me a while to move my dead limbs. I could finally sit at the edge of my bed when my mother opened the door.
'Misha, what wrong? The smell come from your room!'
'Mom, I don't feel very well this morning.'
'What Misha? You look so pale, I make you some tea. OK?'
'Mom, I don't want any tea, I think I'm dead.'
'Dead tired you mean? You came so late last night, I hear you come in. You drink too much?'
'No Mom, I'm dead, really dead. I'm not breathing.'
'What dead?! What is this? Since when?'
'Just now, I woke up and I was dead.'
'Today?! On your sister's wedding day? Stop joking around Mikhail, get up, I make you tea and you go get Pyotr the plumber.'
'I'm not fooling around mom. I am stiff as a 2x4.'
'You not serious. You don't want to be doctor, you don't want to marry Sophia, and now you wake up dead on your sister's wedding day' my Mom said. 'You embarrass me even today! I will have a talk with your father, we will fix this.'
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